CONTENT WARNING: Contains Flashing Light
What was it again? You struggle to remember. It was right there, just about to tumble across your lips when it dissipated. Even the idea has dissipated into a haze, slipping through as you desperately grasp at the nothingness that refuses to coalesce.
"You never listen."
You're doing it wrong again. That's what they're telling you. You forgot to eat, and then, you ate too much, and you couldn't stop, fixated on this new flood of dopamine, this new thing that threatens to disappear the moment you stop eating it, so you must have more, and more, and more and you feel a bit sick and you're full but its been the only thing that's given you that rush of sensation, the normalcy and happiness that you think other people must feel all the time and---
They’re judging you, aren’t they? They hated it. You said something wrong. They aren’t responding, they’re taking forever, why do they take so long to respond? Your mouth is dry, and you try to remember to relax, to breathe, but your chest continues to constrict, your throat tightens, and--
Finally. You see them typing. They’ve seen it, at least, and... It’s stopped.
Sometimes, and more often than you care to admit, you don’t brush your teeth. Or shower. Or simply, even get out of bed.
You don’t take care of yourself. It doesn’t feel worth it to-- Why would you, to someone like you? Your self-deprecating thoughts mock every attempt you make at correcting your course. You don’t want to fall deeper into this muddied, foggy chasm, and yet, the mute, dull nothingness of laying there, staring into the empty depths of your eyelids seems comfortable, tantalizing somehow, a better option than facing the world and all the responsibility that’s only grown and piled up since.
It hurts. You crave... something. Imperceptible, nebulous, fleeting. Gone in the exhaustion that’s so thick that it chokes your being, clogs your throat and stuffs your chest full of tepid indifference.
Food? Nutrition? Healthy?
That's for people who don't drain themselves every day just fighting to feel normal
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